How Society Shapes Our Reactions: The Hidden Neuroscience Behind Annoyance and Projection
Have you ever wondered why certain people’s behaviours annoy you more than others?
As a holistic Yoga teacher, and holistic Therapist, I often reflect on these seemingly small irritations — because behind them lies a profound story about the brain, the body, and our invisible bond with society.
Let’s break it down.
The Mirror of Our Past
Often, when we feel a strong irritation toward someone else’s weakness, it’s not really about them.
It’s about us.
More specifically, it’s about a part of ourselves that we once struggled with — a weakness we fought hard to overcome.
Imagine a younger version of yourself: maybe you were insecure, indecisive, or easily overwhelmed. Maybe society — peers, family, culture — treated you harshly for it.
That pain leaves a deep imprint in the brain’s emotional centers, particularly the amygdala and hippocampus, where emotional memories and social experiences are tightly stored.
When we finally “fix” that weakness through effort, discipline, and often emotional suffering, our mind wants to move on.
But when we encounter that same trait in someone else, it triggers those buried memories:
- The struggle we went through.
- The judgment we received.
- The loneliness we felt.
And so, we hate not the person, but the memory of our own suffering.
We react strongly because a part of us is still tender underneath the surface.
Mimicking Society Without Realizing It
Here’s the fascinating — and somewhat humbling — part:
Without noticing, we begin to treat others the way society once treated us.
The brain is designed to learn by imitation (the mirror neuron system plays a huge role here).
When society mocked, shamed, or dismissed us for our weakness, those social behaviors were encoded in our subconscious patterns.
Later, when we see someone reflecting our old weakness, our brain and body automatically replay the same societal script: judgment, dismissal, irritation.
This is not because we are bad people.
It’s because our brain internalized society’s treatment as the “normal” way to respond — unless we bring conscious awareness to it.
Compassion as a New Neural Pathway
From a Compassionate Inquiry and Pain Reprocessing perspective, this awareness is a golden opportunity.
We can pause, track the somatic sensations of discomfort, and gently inquire:
- “What part of me is being reminded here?”
- “Am I willing to meet that old part of myself with kindness, instead of judgment?”
In that moment, we are not only healing our own past suffering — we are also rewiring the brain to respond with compassion instead of conditioning.
Yoga and mindfulness practices enhance this process by calming the nervous system (activating the ventral vagus nerve) and strengthening the prefrontal cortex, which allows us to choose a new response.
Final Reflection
The next time someone’s weakness irritates you, see if you can look beyond the surface.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s your own inner child asking not for more judgment — but for more understanding.
And by offering it to yourself, you naturally begin offering it to the world around you.
Healing is contagious — but so is suffering.
Which one do you want to pass on?
Step into a new way of seeing and healing — Join Glitz Arogya and begin a journey of authentic living — through the Art of Witnessing.
About the Author :
Amulya Parmesh, MSc Psychology (BPS), YCB-certified Yoga Teacher & Evaluator, and Holistic Therapist (CI, PRT), is the founder of the Glitz Arogya Mind-Body Program. She brings a unique blend of scientific understanding and yogic wisdom to her practice. Glitz Arogya is dedicated to empowering individuals to achieve holistic well-being through integrated mind-body therapies.
